Practicing presence
Today I find myself alone after two days enjoying Italy with my best friend, and I have to be honest with myself - I feel lonely and sad. Sometimes the less we fight this feeling, the easier it is to let go of. I was never one to admit to loneliness... apparently I was too strong for that, until I was humbled into realising that I'm just like everyone else.
Accepting this feeling, but putting on my shoes and going out anyway... it is an exercise in presence.
I am taking the traditional Italian aperitivo alone, by the beautiful old clock tower... watching the light against it's face fade from white, to orange, to a dusty pink. On my table is a glass of violetta spritz and small nibbles as is customary to give as a complement in Italy. I watch as people walk by.
Tourists, Italians... I notice the little details of my surroundings near and far. I taste the violet in my drink, and the tartness of the tomato in my flaky pastries. There is cigarette smoke and water hanging in the air, the scent of a European summer.
I truly believe that taking the time to enjoy small things, to give yourself permission to soak in the moment... this is a kind of prayer. A moment to simply appreciate and therefore be grateful without the need to utter any words or write any journal entries. A calm kind of gratitude. It prepares me well for my upcoming visit to the Rosa Mystica.
Even though I have been practicing presence for many years, I do not do it enough. I always get swept away with the tide of the energy that feeds too many people in this world - the deceptively silent push to do more and to have more. This is much to my frustration. If I apparently know better, why don't I do better?
The truth is that what we do is only the image on the outside, it is how we do things that counts. Not the what, but the way.
This is the subtle thread that I look for. Seek and you shall find...